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life really likes to take a shit on you.


So today have been complete an utter shit. I found out really bad news about two of my grand fathers today. Turns out that my dad’s dad has cancer. It is lung cancer that has spread to his bones. And the also found a tumor in his brain. The doctors told my dad that he has about a year left to live. Great news huh? This is going on at the same time my Opi is having problems with his heart. He has had a few surgeries on his heart in the past and the shit just keeps coming. He has been dealing with a heart valve that is not working properly. So his heart is not pumping enough blood, as it should. The doctors told him that if he did not get a surgery to fix it then he does not have much longer to live. Problem with the surgery is there is about a 20% survival rate. So either he can choose to slowly waste away or have the surgery that might kill him just as soon. He choose to go the surgery route only problem is that his hemoglobin is to low for the doctors to operate. To have the surgery his hemoglobin has to be at 14 right now it is at 7. We found out Monday morning that Sunday night he was rushed to the hospital because he started to have a seizure. They found out on Monday that for some reason he has antigens in his blood. Most of my family is O-. A little info on blood types. As we know there are 4 different types: O, A, B, and AB. A blood has antigens in it. B Blood also has antigens in it. And AB blood has both the antigens. O has none. People who are type A can only get blood transfusion from people who are either O or A because their bodies cannot handle the B antigens and vice versa with B. So that means if you are type O you can only get O blood because you have none of the antigens in you blood naturally. Opi has only gotten blood transfusions three before he went to the hospital. Once after he got Malaria from when he was in Vietnam. And the other two times after the stuff with his heart happened. We know that the problem happened when he got a blood transfusion last year. When my mom and aunt went up to check on him last month when he was in the hospital he had to get a blood transfusion and the nurse stopped it before it started because the doctor had the wrong type of blood. This is the same doctor that gave him his transfusion less then a year ago. So either 30 years after getting his first one is finally catching up with him or his doctor is a royal fuck up. Something is pushing me towards the later. If this isn’t enough we found out that today he had a heart attack. Every time I turn around my grandfather is one step closer to the fucking grave and it tearing me up. I am so fucking scared that the next time I talk to someone they are going to tell me he is gone. I cannot lose him. He has been such a huge influence in my life. The whole reason I wanted to be a history major was because of him. He would tell me such cool stories about history and every fucking one of them you could look up and every wood he told you were accurate. This man has been through so fucking much in his life it just isn’t fair. I remember not long after we moved in to this house my parents installed a plane ceiling fan in my room and my Opi came in and told me a story about when he was in Korea and he had to lead his platoon off of a hill that was being attacked by the same type that was my ceiling. I was shocked at how the could talk about how the ground shook as the retreated because of all the bodies that were buried on the hill. And that is one of the stories he will talk about. He refuses to talk about Vietnam and I can just imagine some of the shit he has seen. And the fact that he has been able to have such a normal life and be so fucking love to his family is going through all this it just isn’t fair. He deserve to die doing something he loves like fishing. Not in some fucking hospital fighting for his life. I know life isn’t fair but this is just fucking bullshit. He does not deserve this. What it so fucking hard to deal with is the fact he lives all the way in Minnesota. I cannot drive in to town and visit him. And the two people that I am the closest to are both not here so it makes it even harder to deal with. I am glad that they are both on vacation and having fun I just wish at least one of them was here. It would not be so hard to deal with this if I did not feel so damn alone.



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 22nd, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
I am so sorry this is all happening.
Glad you are telling friends.
I just lost a long time friend and what helped was being able to write about it all to my friends from my Quaker Meeting.
I know it is not enough, but it did help.
Jul. 22nd, 2009 04:26 am (UTC)
First i'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but unfortunately it's the ending of life that survivors have the most difficult time with. (I hope I can explain this and express myself because I've got a terrible headache).

It's not the doctors fault about the blood, if there's fault it lies with the lab and blood bank at the hospiatl. Hurrah for the nurse that followed procedure and caught it.

Do drive in to see your grandpa, you'll regret it if you don't, and he might too.It won't be an easy visit, bring a box of kleenex with you.

Wars do funny things to our veterans. Just the fact that he can't talk about Vietnam tells you he doesn't want to relive it or hasn't made peace with it. And those vets weren't treated very nice. For him, it's better not discussed, more anger will come through and he's tucked it away some where he doesn't have to relive it. Why upset you with it?

In my opinion, and it comes from almost 30yrs as a nurse, doctors have no right to tell a patient how long they've got left to live. They've got a gut feeling but to tell a patient is so wrong. Can you take him home with hospice care? Is a social worker helping you?

If you've never read Kubler-Ross's book, 'on death and dying' I suggest you start with her first. It came out in '69 while I was a student nurse and had a profound effect on my life.

'"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had."
I wish you strength and peace in the coming weeks.
Jul. 22nd, 2009 04:29 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry sweetie. You are in my prayers and I'm sending you all the bests vibes!

Whatever you need, I'm here.

Jul. 22nd, 2009 05:30 am (UTC)
You and your family are in my prayers. Hang in there.
Jul. 22nd, 2009 05:41 am (UTC)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and all you love.
Jul. 22nd, 2009 05:59 am (UTC)
I know it's not much help but know that we're thinking of you and your family. It's never easy. A part of you dies when you lose someone you love. The fact that you have such a great relationship with both of your grandfathers is something to be cherished. *hugs*
Jul. 22nd, 2009 09:15 am (UTC)
Hugs, a great big fuckin' shout session, some supersharp hatpins, and good music, for you. *hands over*
Jul. 22nd, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
You and your family are in my thoughts. I'm rooting for your Opi, that he can get the surgery soon and it all turns out well. I'm so very sorry for your other grandfather. What terrible news. :::HUGS:::
Jul. 24th, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC)
I loves you
I'm so sorry I'm not there. I'll be home soon, and I'll be wherever you need me to be. Ok? Dad made the same choice of a surgery that had no guarantee. And it breaks my heart every time I think about it. So I know how you're feeling and I love you so much, you're my best friend. And I'll do anything I can to help you to deal with this. I know I can't make you "happy" nor am I going to force you to be so, I'm just gonna help you deal. It's all I can do.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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